Amp up that Dialogue!

by Jodie Renner, editor & author 

Are you working on your first popular fiction novel or a short story you'd like to submit to a contest, anthology, or magazine? How you portray your characters interacting with each other is critical for bringing them to life on the page. Following are some tips I posted several years ago that newbie fiction writers and aspiring authors will still find useful.

Dialogue is one of the first things agents and editors look at when they receive a manuscript for consideration. If the dialogue is wooden, stilted, or artificial, most agents will assume that the rest of the writing is amateurish, and the manuscript will be quickly rejected. Here are some concrete ways to make your dialogue more compelling and natural-sounding.

 A. Dialogue needs tension, conflict and emotion!

This one is huge. As Randy Ingermanson and Peter Economy say in Writing Fiction for Dummies, “Dialogue is war! Every dialogue should be a controlled conflict between at least two characters with opposing agendas. The main purpose of dialogue is to advance the conflict of the story.”

1. Leave out the “Hi, how are you?” “I’m fine, and you?” “Nice day,” stuff, and cut to the chase. Skip past introductions and all that empty blah-blah small talk.

2. Avoid any kind of long monologue or dialogue that just imparts information, with no tension or emotion.

3. Don’t use dialogue as “filler” – if it doesn’t advance the plot, heighten the conflict, or deepen the characterization, take it out.

4. Include lots of emotional or sexual tension and subtext in your dialogue. Silence, interrupting, or abruptly changing the subject can be effective, too.

B. Loosen up the dialogue.

 The most common problem with dialogue for new writers is that it often sounds too stiff and formal. Here are some easy, quick tips for loosening up the dialogue to make it sound more natural:

1. Read your dialogue out loud. Does it sound natural? Can you cut some words out, or use more common, everyday conversational words, rather than more “correct” words? In conversation, use “bought” rather than “purchased,” “use” rather than “utilize,” etc.

2. Use contractions. Change “I am” to “I’m”, “we will” to “we’ll”, “do not” to “don’t”, “they will” to “they’ll,” etc.

3. Break up those long, grammatically correct complete sentences. Nobody talks in complete sentences in informal conversations with friends (or enemies) and family, especially in stressful situations. Frequently, use some short sentence fragments, and one-word answers.

4. Don’t have one person go on and on about a subject. Fiction is not the place for a lecture on a topic, or somebody speaking at length about himself. It’s not natural, and your readers aren’t interested in long monologues! Have the other person interrupt to ask a question, give their opinion, seek clarification, change the subject, etc.

C. Keep it real!

 Avoid unnatural dialogue caused by having the characters say things they would never say, just to impart some information to the readers! An extreme example of this would be a character saying to his sister: “As you know, our parents died in a car crash five years ago.” Or even the more subtle, “As your lawyer, I must advise you…” Using dialogue this way to get some information across to the reader is artificial and a sure sign of an amateur writer. Work the information in subtly, without having one character say something that the other would obviously already know.

D. Give each character his or her own voice or speaking style. Make sure all your characters don’t sound the same (like the author).

 First, pay attention to differences in gender, age, social status, education, geographical location, historical era, etc. Some characters, especially professionals, will use more correct English and longer sentences, while others will use rougher language, with a lot of one- or two-word questions or answers, sprinkled with expletives.

 Then, think about individual personality differences within that social group, and the situation. Is your character: Shy or outgoing? Talkative or quiet? Formal or casual? Modern or old-fashioned? Confident or nervous? Tactful or blunt? Serious or lighthearted? Relaxed or stressed? And give each character their own little quirks and slang expressions, but exercise caution when using slang or expletives. (More on that in another article.)

E. Gender differences.

Bear in mind that men and women tend to express themselves differently.

- In general, men are terser and more direct; they usually prefer to talk about things rather than people or feelings; and they often use brief or one-word answers.

- Women, on the other hand, like to talk about people and relationships; often hint at or talk around a subject, tend to express themselves in more complete sentences; and often want to discuss their feelings.

- These differences are especially important to keep in mind if you’re a female author writing dialogue for male characters, and vice-versa.

F. Other tips:

1. Avoid “talking heads” – pages of unbroken dialogue, with little action or description.

- Move the characters around the scene, and indicate their reactions, gestures and body language:

“…as they walked into the kitchen,” “They pulled up in front of the police station,” “He crossed his arms,” “She got up and started pacing.” “He touched her arm.” “She gasped in alarm.” “He clenched his fists.” And so on.

2. For dialogue tags, use mainly he said and she said (and asked for questions), which are non-intrusive, rather than words like remarked, conjectured, queried, interjected, insinuated, pronounced, and uttered, which draw attention to themselves and can be annoying.

3. Also, beware of using non-speaking words as attributes, like “That’s so nice,” she smiled, or “You bet,” he grinned. You can’t “smile” or “grin” words! But you can say, “You bet.” He grinned and waved as he pulled away.

 4. However, in addition to he said and she said, words like shouted, whispered, mumbled, yelled, murmured, and screamed are very useful for advancing the plot and ramping up your imagery.

5. Avoid the dialogue tag if it’s obvious who’s speaking.

6. But do make it clear who’s speaking. Readers don’t want to have to back up and check to see who’s talking now.

7. Try to use action tags (beats) instead of dialogue tags, such as:

Shelley hung up the phone. “That was Carole.”

Mark tensed. “What did she want?”

8. Avoid having the characters constantly using each other’s names. Once in a while is good, but don’t overdo it.

For tips on how to write dialogue accurately, see: "Dialogue Nuts and Bolts." Also, "Some Dialogue Don'ts".

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Jodie Renner is a freelance fiction editor and the award-winning author of three craft-of-writing guides in her series An Editor’s Guide to Writing Compelling Fiction: WRITING A KILLER THRILLER, FIRE UP YOUR FICTION, and CAPTIVATE YOUR READERS, as well as two clickable time-saving e-resources, QUICK CLICKS: Spelling List and QUICK CLICKS: Word Usage. She has also organized two anthologies for charity: VOICES FROM THE VALLEYS – Stories and Poems about Life in BC’s Interior, and CHILDHOOD REGAINED – Stories of Hope for Asian Child Workers. You can find Jodie on her Amazon Author Page, at www.JodieRenner.com, and on Facebook.   

Interview of Jodie Renner, Judge for Writer's Digest Popular Fiction Awards

I've had the privilege of judging short stories and novels for Writer's Digest's contests several times in the past, and will likely serve as judge again this year. Since the annual Writer's Digest Popular Fiction (short story) competition deadline is fast approaching (Sept. 16 - early bird deadline; Oct. 14 - final deadline), I decided to repost an interview from August 30, 2016 in which WD magazine asks me about my criteria in judging the thriller category of short stories. Most of these tips apply to any popular fiction short story, and will help you polish your story for any competition or publication.  Here's the original interview:


Writer’s Digest Popular Fiction Awards: Behind the Scenes of a Writing Competition with Thriller Judge Jodie Renner
By: Chelsea Henshey, Writer's Digest Magazine, August 30, 2016

Today, as part of our "Behind the Scenes of a Writing Competition" series, Thriller judge Jodie Renner discusses how to avoid common mistakes and take your submission to the top.

Meet the Judge:

Jodie Renner is a freelance fiction editor and the award-winning author of three craft-of-writing guides in her series An Editor’s Guide to Writing Compelling Fiction: Captivate Your Readers, Fire up Your Fiction, and Writing a Killer Thriller. She has also published two clickable time-saving e-resources to date: Quick Clicks: Spelling List and Quick Clicks: Word Usage. She also judges short stories for several other groups as well as Writer’s Digest. You can find Jodie at www.JodieRenner.com and on Facebook and Twitter.

What are you looking for in a submission?

I’m looking for story that intrigues me right from the very first sentence and compels me to keep reading. I want a story that transports me away, makes me forget I’m judging a story or looking for errors. The story should have no distracting errors or formatting issues. I want a fresh voice, a unique, charismatic character with a significant problem he or she needs to solve. The story should have lots of tension, intrigue, and conflict, with suspenseful, nail-biting moments. I also hope for a surprise twist or even a shocking revelation at the end.

What makes a submission stand out?

The premise and plot line seem fresh, not familiar; the voice is unique and appealing; the protagonist is charismatic and likeable but complex, with secrets, regrets, fears, and hopes; the protagonist’s life is shaken up early on; he is confronted with a significant challenge, conflict, or critical problem he has to deal with; the characters come to life on the page through inner and outer reactions, including thoughts, feelings, and sensory reactions; there’s tension on every page; the dialogue is snappy and true to life for those types of characters; the story is free of grammatical, spelling, and punctuation errors; and the ending is unexpected, but in retrospect, seems inevitable.

What are some common mistakes entrants can avoid?

* A slow or boring opening

• revving your engines, starting with neutral “telling” or description from the author’s point of view (omniscient);
• starting with backstory – setting the scene with explanations rather than jumping right in with the story;
• opening with the character alone, musing – best to have your character interacting with someone else in a dynamic scene, with some tension and attitude.
• Your first sentence and paragraph should arouse curiosity and raise questions that demand to be answered.
• Not enough tension at the beginning. Disrupt your main character’s life in some way on the first page.

* A confusing opening: Who is this, where are they, and what’s going on? Establish the four W’s on the first page – who, what, where, when, to situate readers so they don’t get confused or annoyed trying to figure out what’s going on.

* Fuzzy or distant POV: No evident point of view right from the start – whose story is this? Whose head are we in?

* Head-hopping or a wavering point of view within the story. For short stories, best to stay in one character’s viewpoint. Use first-person or close third person POV to establish intimacy and engage readers emotionally.

* Author intrusions: Don’t interrupt the action to explain things to the readers or describe things, the setting, or characters in a neutral point of view, as the author. Stay in the main character’s head and body! All explanations and descriptions should be through the characters, in a natural way, colored by their personality, attitudes, and agenda.

* Protagonist is one-dimensional, unlikeable, or boring; lacks personality, baggage, secrets, regrets, fears, and a driving goal or burning desire.

* Flat characters who don’t react to what’s going on. Show your character’s inner and outer reactions – thoughts, physical reactions, sensory perceptions – to bring them to life. (See Bring Your Characters to Life by Showing Their Reactions and Immerse Your Readers with Sensory Details.)

* Dialogue is stilted or boring. Too correct, no slang expressions or contractions (“I cannot” instead of “I can’t”, “We are not” instead “We aren’t” etc.), doesn’t sound natural. Read the dialogue out loud to see if it sounds like people actually speak. Make sure each character speaks differently, and not like the author. Leave out all “filler” dialogue, like “How are you?” “I’m fine,” etc. Cut to the chase! (See "Amp up That Dialogue!")

* Talking heads. Pages of dialogue, but we don’t know what the characters are doing. Use action beats and inner reactions to help readers visualize what’s going on with the characters at that moment.

* Lack of editing. Story rambles on, is all over the place, lacks focus and a clear problem/plot. Get to the point! Make every element, every image, and every word count!

* Not enough tension, conflict, and intrigue. For my category, thrillers, not enough suspense and intrigue. (See “Checklist for Adding Suspense and Intrigue to Your Story.”)

* Too much telling, not enough showing. Too much narration, especially neutral, author-like narration. Instead, “show” critical scenes in real time, with action and dialogue. See “Show, Don’t Tell.”

* No real “voice” – a too-correct, nonfiction style of writing. Get into the character’s head and body, and stay there. Use free-form journaling to capture their true voice, with plenty of attitude.

* A too-formal, overly correct writing style. This is fiction, not a scholarly or professional paper. Forget a neutral style and long-winded, grammatically correct sentences, especially in dialogue.

* A pedestrian, uninspired writing style – use lots of concrete specific nouns and verbs. Avoid overused verbs like “walked” and “ran”. Don’t prop up generic nouns and verbs with adjectives and adverbs – use a more specific, evocative noun or verb instead. For example, instead of “he ran quickly,” say “he raced” or “he charged” or “he dashed” or “he sprinted” or “he darted” or “he scurried.”

* An overly wordy writing style. Don’t clutter up your writing with a lot of extra words – this will hide your meaning, slow down communication, and lessen the impact of your message.

* A conclusion that drags on – tie the story up quickly.

* Spelling, grammatical mistakes, typos. Incorrect paragraphing for dialogue, incorrect punctuation and capitalization for dialogue. (See “Dialogue Nuts and Bolts”).

* Formatting errors – paragraphing, spacing, etc. (See “Basic Formatting of Your Manuscript (Formatting 101”).

*For more specific advice on writing a winning short story, see: “33 Tips for Creating a Short Story Worthy of Contests, Magazines, and Anthologies”

What is unique about the WD contest and why should writers submit?

Writers should submit their short stories to the Writer’s Digest Popular Fiction Awards because there are lots of different genres/categories to choose from, so you know your story is being judged by someone who reads and loves that genre. Also, since WD receives thousands of entries, a win or even an honorable mention from the Writer’s Digest contest is a real honor, something to be proud of. An award from this contest will really raise your status as a writer and advance your career.

For the original interview posted by Writer's Digest on August 30, 2016, click HERE.