Write a Killer Thriller Opening

by Jodie Renner, editor, author, speaker

 

Here's the beginning of a blog post of mine that's up today on D.P. Lyle's blog, The Writer's Forensics Blog. For the rest of the article, click on the link below.

Write a Killer Thriller Opening

 

Your thriller is coming along really well. You’ve written a first draft or are well into it, and you’re starting to think of actually letting others read it. Way to go! Now it’s time to go back and revise your opening pages to make them as riveting and intriguing as they can be.

I can’t emphasize enough how critical your first pages are. They can literally make or break your sales for that book – and maybe future ones. Why? Because after glancing at the front and back cover, potential readers, agents, publishers, and buyers will read your opening page or two to decide whether or not to buy your book. Readers are less and less patient, and with all the excellent books out there, if they’re not intrigued by the first few pages, they’ll reject yours and go on to another.

As James N. Frey says, “A gripping opening is not simply a good thing for your story. It’s absolutely essential.”

So what are the essential ingredients of a gripping opening?
Your first page – in fact, your first paragraph – needs to immerse your readers in the story right away, engage them emotionally, and hook them in so they not only want to but need to continue.
For that to happen, several factors come into play.

~ Tell us whose story it is. First, readers want to know right away who’s the protagonist, the one they’ll be rooting for. Put is in the head of the main character in the first sentence, certainly the first paragraphs. Readers expect that the first person they meet is the one they’ll identify with and bond with, so start right out in the point of view of your lead character.

~ Situate us right away. And readers want to know immediately where and when that first scene is taking place, and what’s going on. So be sure you’ve answered the four W’s within the first few paragraphs: who, what, where, and when – and in an engaging way. Don’t confuse or annoy your readers right off the bat by making them wonder who’s the main person in the story, what’s going on at that moment, and where and when it’s happening.

~ But not in a happy scene. Introduce some tension and conflict right away. Your lead character wants or needs something and it’s not happening. She’s starting to get stressed because…

For the rest of the article, click on this link:

http://writersforensicsblog.wordpress.com/2013/06/21/guest-blogger-jodie-renner-write-a-killer-thriller-opening/


Jodie Renner, a freelance fiction editor specializing in thrillers and other fast-paced fiction, has published two books to date in her series, An Editor’s Guide to Writing Compelling Fiction: WRITING A KILLER THRILLER and STYLE THAT SIZZLES & PACING FOR POWER (Silver Medalist in the FAPA Book Awards, 2013). Both titles are available in e-book and paperback.

For more info, please visit Jodie’s author website or editor website, or find her on Facebook or Twitter.

To subscribe to Jodie’s Resources for Writers newsletter (published about 4-10 times a year), please click on this link and fill out the form. Your privacy is completely assured, you won’t receive any spam, ever, and you can unsubscribe at any time.  http://eepurl.com/C9dKD

 

Critique of First Page - Historical Fiction

by Jodie Renner, editor & author, @JodieRennerEd

Today I'm continuing my new Wednesday feature, where I critique all or part of the first page of a novel, anonymously. Click here to read my first critique, of the beginning of a different novel.

Red indicates comments by me and any words I have added, which would normally be in the margin, not interrupting the text as it is here, but unfortunately, I'm unable to reproduce that aspect of my Track Changes here.

If you'd like me to critique the first page of your novel or short story, please send the first 400-500 words to me at j.renner.editing(at)hotmail(dot)com, and I'll critique the first 150-300 words here. If you have a prologue, don't send that - send the beginning of Chapter 1 instead. Also, tell me the genre and a sentence or two about the story and main character. Thanks.

I chose this first page for today because it interested me and made me want to read more. But I could also see lots of ways to make it more compelling and intriguing, to hook more readers in and get them engaged right from the start.

I've changed the name of the character and the city, for greater anonymity.

Here's the original version first, with my suggestions in red in the version just below it.

Bonnie walked the noisy, dusty streets of Boston. The fishing ships were coming in for the evening as she passed near the docks. There looked to be another steamer in from Ireland as well. The smell of the city was always mixed, some wonderful aroma from a fire or a bakery... and something awful, rotting. Fish. Always, the smell of fish. She had to go a good ways inland to escape that smell. But tonight, she headed to work.  

She kept a close eye out. She had gotten in some trouble recently, but she had no idea if she was being pursued. Could be, no one knew. Or it could be she was a walking target. There was no way to know, but it had been two weeks now, since the incident, and no problems yet. She could never let her guard down- but that sort of survival was a strain on her.  

She hoped for a time that wasn’t so hard. In fact, she was planning on it. But her face gave a cynical slight grin, as she thought of it- her life had never followed the plans she laid out. If it had, she certainly wouldn’t be where she was now. She would have to work her way out.

 

Same three paragraphs, but with Jodie's suggestions in red:

Bonnie walked [Try to use a more specific, interesting synonym for “walked,” like “trudged” or “strode along” or "hurried along” or “strolled” or “raced through” or something that more accurately conveys her mood and how she’s moving.] the noisy, dusty streets of Boston. As she passed near the docks, she noticed the fishing ships were coming in for the evening. as she passed near the docks. There looked to be another steamer in from Ireland as well. The smell of the city was always mixed, some wonderful aroma from a fire or a bakery... and something awful, rotting. Fish. [Maybe “Like fish,” as there were other things rotting then, too.] Always, the smell of fish. She had to go a good ways inland to escape that smell. But tonight, she headed to work. [Try to add some urgency and tension here. Is she hurrying? Is she late for work? Is she worried about something at work? Also, what does she do? What’s her job? And how does she feel about it? Is she eager to go to work? Or does she hate her job?]

Tension and conflict are what drive fiction forward, and you especially need tension and intrigue in your first paragraphs and first page.

Also, since you mentioned this is historical fiction, I’d offer more indications of that right away, so the readers realize immediately that this story takes place in the past, and roughly how long ago – what period? For example, what kinds of vehicles or modes of transportation are passing her? Horses and buggies? Or...? Also, how is she dressed? How are people around her dressed? What are they doing? (Don’t get carried away in a great long descriptive passage, but add just enough telling detail to bring the scene to life and show the era.)

She kept a close eye out. [Try to add more tension to this sentence. Show her nervousness.] She had gotten in some trouble [kind of vague – can you be more specific?] recently, but she had no idea if she was being pursued. Could be, no one knew. [I’d take this sentence out, as it doesn’t really add anything more than we’ve found out from the previous sentence.] Or it could be she was a walking target. [Try to rephrase this in a more urgent, direct way, from inside her head, with more of her worries and fears apparent. Maybe something like, “She glanced around as she hurried along. Was she being followed? She felt like a walking target.”] There was no way to know [this is repetitive], but it had been two weeks now since the incident [can you give us some more hints, to add to the intrigue?], and no problems yet. [maybe rephrase this to show her worry more, like "and every day she expected to pay...." or whatever.] She could never let her guard down- but that sort of survival was a strain on her. [Try to rephrase this in a more direct way, showing her emotions and physical feelings/sensations. In other words, show, don’t tell.]

She hoped [“longed”?] for a time [maybe “future” or “life”] that wasn’t so hard. [This is a bit vague. Can you maybe add something specific here?] In fact, she was planning on it. [Can leave this out.] But her face gave a cynical slight grin [We’re inside Bonnie’s head, in her point of view, and she can’t see her face, nor is she thinking about the expression on her face, so this is a POV gaffe / violation. Show only what she is perceiving – seeing, hearing, feeling, thinking about, etc.] as she thought of it—her life had never followed the plans she laid out. If it had, she certainly wouldn’t be where she was now. She would have to work her way out. [Try to state this in a more urgent way, with more tension. How is she feeling? Overwhelmed? Discouraged? Worried? Exhausted? Determined? The more tension, the better, as a happy character is a boring character, and readers have no reason to read on or root for her.]

General comments from Jodie: I find this first page interesting, and definitely want to read more! But please show me more of Bonnie’s inner thoughts and emotions, with lots of tension! You want readers to identify with Bonnie right away and start bonding with her and rooting for her. In order for readers to become emotionally engaged with Bonnie and start caring about her plight, they need to feel what she’s feeling. So show us Bonnie’s thoughts, fears, hopes, worries, and other emotions, as well as her physical feelings, as much as possible in the first paragraphs and pages. Also, try to bring the scene more to life on the page by appealing to most of the five senses. What is she seeing? Hearing? Smelling? (that one's covered quite well). Also, is she hot or cold? Is it summertime? Any other tactile sensations or even tastes? And of course, her reactions to all this sensory barrage as she hurries to work.

Thanks for submitting this first page for a critique! I hope you find my comments and suggestions helpful. Who's up next?

Or, if you're tired of waiting for your first page to be critiqued here or you prefer to see the results in private, please contact me about critiquing your first page for $12. (PayPal takes $2, so that leaves me with $10.) Thanks! Alternatively, if you write a positive review on Amazon for one of my books below (please read the book first!), I'll put your name in a much smaller draw, so your chance of getting a free critique of your first page will be about 50%.

Jodie Renner, freelance fiction editor
www.JodieRennerEditing.com; www.CobaltBooks.net
Facebook
Twitter: @JodieRennerEd

Jodie Renner is a freelance fiction editor who specializes in thrillers, mysteries, and other fast-paced fiction. For more info on Jodie’s editing services, please visit her editing website.

Jodie has published two books to date in her series, An Editor’s Guide to Writing Compelling Fiction: Writing and Killer Thriller, a short e-book, and Style That Sizzles & Pacing for Power, which is available in paperback, as an e-book on Kindle, and in other e-book formats. And you don’t need to own an e-reader to purchase and enjoy e-books. You can download them to your computer, tablet, or smartphone.

For more info on Jodie's books and workshops, please visit her author website.

Edit and Critique of Your First Page

I'm starting something new here for every Wednesday. I'll choose the first page of a novel or short story to critique anonymously - for free, of course.

So if you have a thick skin, send me your first page (maximum 350 -400 words) by email to j.renner.editing (at) hotmail (dot) com, and I'll choose one to critique every Wednesday here. (If you have a prologue, send me the first page of Chapter One instead.)

I'd prefer it as an attachment in MS Word, double-spaced, Times New Roman, 12-point. Please include the genre, setting (place & time), a sentence or two on the main character(s), and a short set-up (a sentence or two on what the story is about). Thanks!

I'll choose an first page to critique every Wednesday and reprint the first 250 words or so of the story, then follow it up with my editing and various suggestions.

Send me your name, too, but I won't include it, so the critique will be anonymous. And if you want to change the names of your characters and locations, etc., go ahead, as I may find weaknesses in your writing, characterization, or even logic that you never thought of, so I don't want anyone to feel embarrassed. I'll be sure to mention strengths, too, of course!

Overall, it will be a valuable learning experience and you'll go away with lots of ideas for strengthening the rest of your novel or short story, too, to make it more compelling and hook readers in right from the start.

Looking forward to receiving your opening page or so to critique!

Or, if you're tired of waiting for your first page to be critiqued here or you prefer to see the results in private, please contact me about critiquing your first page for $12. (PayPal takes $2, so that leaves me with $10.) Thanks!

Jodie Renner, a freelance fiction editor specializing in thrillers and other fast-paced fiction, has published two books to date in her series, An Editor’s Guide to Writing Compelling Fiction: WRITING A KILLER THRILLER and STYLE THAT SIZZLES & PACING FOR POWER (Silver Medalist in the FAPA Book Awards, 2013). Both titles are available in e-book and paperback. For more info, please visit Jodie’s author website or editor website, or find her on Facebook or Twitter.

To subscribe to Jodie’s Resources for Writers newsletter (published about 4-10 times a year), please click on this link: http://eepurl.com/C9dKD

What NOT to do when Beginning Your Novel - Advice from Literary Agents

Compiled by Chuck Sambuchino, over at his excellent blog, Writer Unboxed.

Here's the beginning of this compilation of great advice for novelists from literary agents:

In a previous Writer Unboxed column, I discussed the value of starting your story strong and how an “inside-out” approach to narrative action can help your case. But just as important as knowing what to do when beginning your novel is knowing what not to do.

No one reads more prospective novel beginnings than literary agents. They’re the ones on the front lines — sifting through inboxes and slush piles. And they’re the ones who can tell us which Chapter 1 approaches are overused and cliche, as well as which techniques just plain don’t work. Below find a smattering of feedback from experienced literary agents on what they hate to see the first pages of a writer’s submission. Avoid these problems and tighten your submission!

FALSE BEGINNINGS

“I don’t like it when the main character dies at the end of Chapter 1. Why did I just spend all this time with this character? I feel cheated.”
- Cricket Freeman, The August Agency

“I dislike opening scenes that you think are real, then the protagonist wakes up. It makes me feel cheated.”
- Laurie McLean, Foreword Literary

IN SCIENCE FICTION

“A sci-fi novel that spends the first two pages describing the strange landscape.”
- Chip MacGregor, MacGregor Literary

PROLOGUES

“I’m not a fan of prologues, preferring to find myself in the midst of a moving plot on page 1 rather than being kept outside of it, or eased into it.”
- Michelle Andelman, Regal Literary

“Most agents hate prologues. Just make the first chapter relevant and well written.”
- Andrea Brown, Andrea Brown Literary Agency

“Prologues are usually a lazy way to give back-story chunks to the reader and can be handled with more finesse throughout the story. Damn the prologue, full speed ahead!”
- Laurie McLean, Foreword Literary

EXPOSITION/DESCRIPTION

...

For more invaluable advice from literary agents for avoiding reader (and agent) turnoffs in your first pages, click HERE to read the rest of this post at Chuck Sambuchino's blog.

Besides publishing her popular craft-of-writing books under the series, An Editor’s Guide to Writing Compelling Fiction, the award-winning Fire up Your Fiction and Writing a Killer Thriller (and the upcoming Captivate Your Readers), as well as her handy, clickable e-resources, Spelling on the Go and Grammar on the Go, Jodie Renner is a sought-after freelance fiction editor and author of numerous blog posts on writing captivating fiction. Find Jodie on Facebook and Twitter, and check out her posts alternate Mondays on The Kill Zone blog. Subscribe to Jodie's sporadic newsletter HERE.